How I Function (3/3)

Hi all, this is the third and final piece in the "How I Function" series. If you haven't seen the two previous pieces, I highly suggest them, because this piece alone will not make much sense

How I Function One-Click Here

How I Function Two-Click Here

Reflectivity Two:

Reflection Two is a general reflection of my life, and person. You could say writing these pieces is a great example of this. This has less of a set time, and more just occurs when I naturally think. The most important part of this phase in my mind, is to make sure I like, who I am. See there are so many ways, to interpret everything in life, that in the end, the only way I've found to reasonably, not go insane, is to figure out my own interpretations. Sometimes I can be stuck on a single thought for hours, and all of these hour long thoughts have one thing in common, they involve someone else's interpretations, of something I did, or my guessing of why they did something. So instead of focusing on how the world runs I set myself to these standards, am I happy, am I growing, and am I affecting the world in a positive way.

To answer these questions I'll have to revisit the ways, I say, I live. Going back to jubilance, I wrote that I would expand on why selfishness can be a good thing. Really its not just selfishness, that I'm talking about, but any societal viewed, negative trait. See in my life, I've had a very hard time getting rid of bad habits, or things that society would just view, as not wantable in a person. As I've grown, instead of trying to fix these problems, I've instead tried to make them into a positive force, because in my opinion it is much easier to change the direction something is going in, then to change the thing going. In the case I expounded on, selfishness, I stated that I did a lot of my actions because of an inherent want to be liked. So in reality I am using my selfishness, to make me feel better as a person. So selfishness instantly checks off my "am I happy box". What is then in questions I the "am I affecting the world in a positive way". When one thinks of selfishness, they, and I, almost certainly thinks of it in a negative aspect, like CEO's getting rich, while their workers are stuck in poverty. If I were to be using my selfishness in a negative way, then I would be doing the exact opposite of what I wanted. Instead I try, and redirect this selfishness into a motivator, that will make both me, and the outside world happy. I do this as I stated before by trying to do acts that I know will make other people, happy, causing them to then like me.

I was just about to write about how the reason one does something, matter little if it has a good effect on the world, when I just realized something terrible. Why is that we feel good, when someone does something nice to us? Is it because of the effect of their nice action, or the fact that their action shows they care about us. At least in my opinion, if I know the reason someone did something, I feel much more affected by the reason for, then the for the actual outcome. While I have for a while believed that effect of, outweighs the reason for actions. I now think I disagree with that. See while the effect may outweigh the reason when no one knows the reason for sure, the reason outweighs the effect when it is known. This is no case an absolute truth, as shown by the countless cases of intent vs. impact, in which the intent was good, but impact bad. Though if the intent was good, and the impact also good, I do believe, personally, that the intent is then much more impactful. So by writing this piece, I have hereby made the effect of my actions mitigated by a large percentage, for any reader, because now they think whatever nice thing I do, is not for the recipient, but to make them like me, which devalues any care they would feel, by my actions.

There is one shady silver lining to all of this. As I look into my mind now, I do realize, that unlike in past times during my life, I would say the majority of my choices, are actually much less based on selfishness, or traits like that, and more based on philosophies, or my own standards. I've shifted from a "Am I happy?" no matter the reason base, to a more "How am I affecting the world" base. The weird thing about writing that there, is that I feel I could be just thinking that to make myself feel better, and even more likely I would guess that you don't believe that I'm really like that. Instead you might think that I just want to glorify myself in morality, through this piece, instead of sucking up to the fact that my actions are all for my own gain. The other possibility I could see you thinking of is that I had planned for this ending all along, and am just trying to make myself seem like I've come to some magical conclusion. I wouldn't blame anyone for those thoughts, and I'm sure I've thought those exact same things, at different points in my life.

All I can really say is that this realization that my actions are less selfish based, then before, and both the change in my belief in effect vs. reason, and whether I base myself more on "Am I happy", or "How am I affecting the world", has literally just occurred while writing this. And that I've been trying to write this piece for the last 5 days with fail. Yet despite that long time, every paragraph except for the first two were written today.

The other thing I would like to reiterate, almost for myself more then anyone else, is that I truly think I have become less basing of my actions on my needs, and more on my philosophy. The reason I believe this to be true, is just the philosophies I use now, are so different then the ones in my past, in that they allow me to appreciate the environment, both societal, and physical that I'm within so much more. With this appreciation, I feel less of a need to be good, for my own sake, because I see how many people are truly fantastic, and my actions are not needed to make them be kind to me. Because I know of, and see all of their beautiful actions, I subconsciously, and consciously realize that you don't have to do something in return for their kindness.

Going along with this, I just feel happier, in other ways that are not entirely based on my social environment, but are more entwined in how I view events, internal, external, small, or large. In essence instead of my actions being to gain something, in return, now they are more focused on keeping up with my view of the world, its people, and all the beautiful things that humanity can offer at times.

This happiness that I feel further limits the need to help grow the "Am I happy" branch of my life, letting me put more effort into the different pillars, of my trifecta, like "How am I affecting the world".

I think this may be the best example I can create to explain reflection two, because as I wrote this I believe I checked off my third box, self growth. I know this is a long piece, but I have one last thing to say, that is the reflection of this self growth. As I've written this piece, I can say with glee, a tinge of sadness, and a lot of intrigue that my post 8th grade self, and my pre 8th grade self have become two entirely different minds, and with that, people. I've Changed.

Have an absolutely transcendent day!