Detective Ian: Awkward Talk Edition

--Hi, what seems to be your problem?

--Well, sometimes I'm awkwarder than a potato in a tomato patch.

--Huh?

--You know, cause a tomato makes ketchup, and ketchup is great with a potato.

--I guess, but wouldn't a potato be more scared in a tomato patch than awkward?

--True, it would be scared but I think that means it would feel out of place too because no potato in its right mind would want to talk to its killers. Though I guess all supervillains talk with their captured heroes at first, but they are just stupid when they do that, so I don't know, I just like potatoes and ketchup.

--Awkward, I gotcha.

--But see, I feel like you don't because I'm not awkward because of all the talking, it's the opposite. Sometimes I just don't have or don't say anything to continue a conversation. Like at work, one of my coworkers asked me if I was going to college, and I responded yes. I had already decided where I was going by this point, but all I said was yes ending the conversation.

--Okay, do you know why you did that?

--Nah, after I just said yes internally I was like oof, probably should have said where I was going, but by that point, it felt weird to bring the subject up again. So back to box folding it was for me. I have trouble talking about myself.

--Alright, do you have any other examples of this behavior?

--Yea, see in the library today I was asking to borrow a laptop from one of my friends to write a blog piece, but when they asked what I needed their laptop for I would not tell them. It was pretty stupid of me, and eventually through them guessing I let my friends know it was for my blog. I really struggle continuing any conversation about something I do. I cannot explain the feeling around me not wanting to say why I needed my friend's laptop, but I think it stems from the fact I just like to keep a lot of stuff to myself. Though, thinking about it more there are some topics I can talk about, like Papa Gino's. I'm rambling but I almost feel like I can talk about most topics I enjoy, D&D, Pokemon, Magic, work, video games, movies, so I don't know what is up with me?

--Sounds like you have a lot going on. So if it is not the topic of a talk that clams you up what is it?

--So I do think some topics are weirdly strange for me to talk about, like my blog, sort of like accomplishments or physical things I do, but not all successes of mine. I feel better talking to someone about my successes who already knows about my journey in that category, subject, or topic. So sorry, back to the question of what my awkwardness might actually be, I am not sure. There are some people I just feel more awkward around. Like there are people I can talk to in groups, but by myself, it is just weird. With these people, I often have a lot of random thoughts in my head, and I try to grasp each one before it swims too far down the stream, but I always fail. Instead of speaking I normally pull out my phone or an activity, or maybe I would start a beat with my foot, and sometimes pretend to look up and think about things when in reality I am just thinking about my spot in the social situation I have found myself in.

--Interesting

--I do believe I am better in groups. My personality likes to catch on to stronger personalities and feed off them. I encourage these stronger personalities and let them lead, and I have a blast in these groups. I cannot say how they feel, but I think most people have fun when I'm with them in a party. Sometimes I am envious of the ability to say things in a one-on-one conversation. It is weird because with a random person, like a girl I met at BU, I had a great, long, intertwining conversation, about my interests and hers, but with people I already know, I just do not have those talks. Sometimes I blame it on memes.

--What? Why do you blame your awkwardness on memes?

--Well you see, I do not know many memes. I am memeless. It is not something I worry about often, but I feel separate from the meme society. Meme society is pretty cool because two people of any face can come together and laugh about a meme. I just have no motivation to find memes, and that is okay I know. I enjoy memes when I see them generally, it is just at home, or anywhere else, when I have nothing to do, I do not look at memes, I go to other things like video games, Quora, napping, eating, sometimes call people, hang out, or random projects. I used to feel something similar to my lack of memes with music in my life. Just like memes I never feel motivation to listen to music and so never do at home. When people play music I like it and I don't remember ever disliking it, it is just I have no drive to listen to it. The thing about music is that I no longer fear my musical emotionless self. I just tell people I do not listen to music if it comes up, and that brings about a whole new conversation. Plus, I do not have to deal with any more elementary school questionnaires that ask me what my favorite song is, so that is a nice bonus.

--You have a lot going on in your head right now, but I think we are getting somewhere. It seems talking about yourself, while not something you love, is doable for you, and you have a personality that likes to be a supporter, and you seem okay talking to new people, but scrunch up when talking to some people you already know. The whole meme conundrum seems very similar to your past music puzzle and so I do not think you should worry too much about your lack of memes.

--You know, I think you are right. I am good with new people because I feel free to talk about all my interests, but as I get to know people I mold myself around them. I'm like play dough on a hand. I fit really well if I share a lot with a person, but it is harder for me interacting with people I know have different interests than me. It is funny because I know I would love to hear about most peoples likes and wants, so thinking about it like that makes me realize that people would probably want to hear about my passions too. And with the whole me giving abrupt conversation ending answers and sometimes just not telling people things, I think that is just something I need to work on. If someone asks me something they are probably interested in what I have to say, so I should take a couple more seconds, give that good goldfish pause, and release a fuller answer.