I Really Miss Him

I really miss him.

I keep remembering him. Ever since sixth grade, I would come up to him in the hall and say "Hey Chris, if you pat your head and jump on one foot you can fly", and then he would, "and also you need to lick your nose" I'd add. He grinned that grin, gave me a laughing scowl, and then I smiled and we went our separate ways. Those games were so stupid but I loved them. I really like repetitive games. He always played with me. And he never stopped, so that when I walked out of senior English with him, he would still play with me, even though it was six years later.

I really miss him.

I talk to him a lot. I started by telling him how many people he affected and how good a presence he was in everyone's life. Then I started telling him about my day. I'd let him know what foods I was eating, and if I was going to be out with others, I would let him know when I would be back to talk. It felt peaceful talking to him.

I really miss him.

The pain hurts, and you want relief, but there is none. Then time occurs, and things feel a little better, but a question forms: "Am I forgetting him?" What will happen once the year ends and all of us go our separate ways? We did a senior spirit day for him, but that is one day. I get angry thinking how foolish a spirit day is to remember him, he was so much, but then what can we do. I'm glad people are doing things like a spirit day, but I cannot stop thinking how as the pain relieves itself from my body so does he. I talk to him one fewer time than the day before. I don't feel that urge to cry at night. Pain leaving the body should be good, but what if he leaves me.

I really miss him.

I need to realize who Chris was. Chris was not a death, but a life. Chris made me so excited every time I saw him in the hall. Not many people bring a smile to my face like he did. Chris was my sea turtle. He was the friend I always knew exactly why he made me feel special, and why he was special to me, no hidden meaning, just his kindness. I wrote a blog post about Chris the day before he passed, calling him my sea turtle. He always listened to my "bodily folktales" because he knew they made me happy. I need to remember Chris because he was that amazing. I need to remember him for every little interaction we had because they always brought a toothed grin to my face. We did not talk constantly, but we interacted well. Because Chris is that special. I really miss him.