Attention

Continuing on the self questioning attitude of my last post, I'm gonna continue looking into weird peculiarities I have. One thing I've found interesting is how I interact with attention. On one hand I always want attention, but on the other hand I hate being the center of attention. Even more peculiar is that despite my want for attention, I hate being blatant in my search for attention. Instead I look for ways to gain attention without being blatant about that.

For example here is something that I've wanted to show people, but haven't yet because I haven't thought of a way to do it without looking like I want attention, and praise. See if I had shown something right there than I would've used my "secret" attention seeking method, because I made it seem like I was just trying give an example, but instead I would be showing the world the thing I wanted to show. Another example I have is sometime when I leave my phone out on purpose, because I know people will look in it, and find the thing I want them to find.

Going back, I also find it peculiar that I always crave it, but often when I get it I only gain unnecessary stress. If I'm the center of attention in a conversation, instead of embracing it, I instead try to physically back out of through backing up, or even just making myself seem less available. Along with this I also try to get out of being the center by giving short answers, with not a ton of details, so as to be less involved in the conversation. It seems like I want people to know what I've done, but to not acknowledge it in any large way. This is the first post I'm writing in my phone, so I don't really know if there's gonna be anything weird, probably more grammar mistakes, but have an ecstatic day!