Hello Everyone

Hi again. Well, it has been a while. I guess the first question I should answer is why now? The fact is, this is the time that I am back. The main thing is it feels stable. My family feels stable. In a long sequence of events from an extreme event which strongly affected my life but I do not feel can be discussed here, to divorce, to getting back together it finally feels stable. Last summer my father got divorced from my stepmom of eight years. (The thing was though that that divorce wasn't what felt like the most destabilizing event, that came earlier two Falls ago, half a year before it or as we have called it "the extreme event". I will focus on the divorce in this writing, but truly the divorce and the event should be thought of together, because both were very hard and greatly effected things in their own way). I became very worried about him, I was scared he was gone, his soul. After my father's divorce last Fall, I spent most of my time with my mother, to the point I rarely saw him. I did not like that. Then my father came with me and my mom on a family vacation. I did not understand that. I was confused, I was very confused, they had never been together for so long. This confusion led to an outburst where me and my mom had, to put it lightly, a heart to heart. To make this heart to heart even more exasperating my outburst was at the exact time my mom had wanted to remember her deceased father. We were on the Pacific Ocean where she had spent lots of summers in Oregon with him. There was lots of crying. My father came and went from my mom's house occasionally after this trip. He was there on holidays and some weekends. It was not though to strictly visit me, for my parents had in the least gross way I can put it rekindled their romance. Neither I or you knows what exactly that means, but they seemed to have been dating in the way only divorced remarried and divorced again parents could. It was hard for me to even look at them together for a while. I did not like this. The most ironic part of all of this was how easy it was outside of the direct family for everyone to be back together. My grandparents on my dad's side had been in contact with my mom all throughout my entire life just as much before as after the divorce. Nothing changed for them, in truth I think they were very happy about this. But to me this felt so wrong, I knew it was every divorce kids dream to have their parents back together but it was not mine. It does not feel right. Fast forward to after Christmas, my oldest brother had just moved back into my mom's house temporarily with his girlfriend. My dad had done a really good job fixing the aforementioned "extreme" event, and we had just all spent a wonderful holiday season together. But my dad continued to live in his home and only occasionally come to our house. I missed and worried about him. Then it happened.

My eldest brother screamed for me to come outside, my thoughts were in confusion as I heard his voice and saw my bagel not being fully toasted yet. I ran through sacrificing the holed delight for whatever noble cause awaited me. It was the night time in New England, during the winter, so I could effectively see only what my phone's flashlight could show me. When I finally got to my brother what I saw truly stunned me. My garage door was broken, not merely not working, but completely destroyed. My mom's car had driven right through it. I was terrified. I did not want my mom dead. I was just, I was so terrified. My brother ran to the car and opened the door. I kept screaming if I should call 911, 911. Eventually, Robert told me I did not need to. I felt so helpless though, my mom had her head on the wheel and my brother was comforting her but all I could think of was if a wooden stake was up her stomach. Eventually, my brother told me my wanted my dad. I called and texted him telling him to come in any way, and we could try and get him. All I could think of was why, why had this happened. I of course went to so many reasons from drinking, to suicide, to everything in between. And then he came, and I know I can not say why for this part but him coming was something I had not seen in so long. He pulled up into our driveway and replaced my brother in the car. He got my mom out of the car and got her to her bed. And then, and then we worked. We cleaned up the garage and it was so magical. I felt like I, we, all of us could do anything. We were a family, it just came on. We were a family, that feeling, that feeling was new.